the R squad!
welcome to the R squad, our big bullshit website about bullshit. make yourself comfortable and grab a lil something warm to drink, or fuck off.



picture of misterR and super mario. both figures are imposing and very cool. okay not really.
PICTURED ABOVE: jus me n my BEST BFF FREND FOREVUH hangin out 4EVBA ^w^ ^w^ ^w^ :(

misterR avatar

i always liked the concept of mario. you've got this weird magical funtime kingdom of mushrooms and shit thrown into danger by an army of turtles, chesnuts, magic turtles and one big angry dragon or whatever the fuck bowser's meant to be. maybe he's a turtle too i dunno. evil dark sorcery's afoot, the princess is snatched from the throne, innocent mushrooms and brave soldiers are turned into lifeless bricks, it's all gone to shit and someone's gotta do something about it.

they could've had anyone step up to the job. anything you can think of. some highly trained holy knight, or some chosen one type with secret unawakened power, or a ninja or something. anything at all. but nope. they must've been all away or some shit. it's mario the fat hairy handyman who looks like he just jumped out a pizza parlour logo who pulls up his big boy denims and goes after this bowser fucker. no elite special training for this lad, no superpowers or nothing except a few acrobat tricks and some shifty looking plants he picks up, just him against an army of demon turtles and a gauntlet of i think it was eight or something boobytrapped to hell and back castles. but you know what? he didn't let that stop him. he went after that princess through all sorts of bullshit and battled danger after danger non-stop just because he wanted to help. and he does it every time with a GRIN on his face. what a stand up fucking bloke.

i'm a sucker for these sorts of characters. some regular everyday cunt thrown from a humble life into hundereds of insane situations and facing off against the sort of shit the toughest most unstoppable warrior would struggle against, fighting massive foes and dark confusing powerful magics and shit, and coming out on top with a bit of wit and a bit of resourcefulness. just some average human landing in impossible situations and scraping by every time by figuring out just what to do with what's around him and what's against him to pull out a narrow win.

that's mario's whole fucking thing isn't it, he goes from fixing pipes to breaking shells in a day. he fights sorcerers, magical creatures and scary beasts five times his size and strength by jumping on their heads, scrounging shit around him to fight with, taking advantage of surroundings and using his own foes' attacks against them. sometimes he'll run into a power-up and improvise, sometimes he'll be fitted with some neat device or followed by some handy companion, but he doesn't need any of that shit to think and jump and flip and stomp his way out of any batshit challenge you can think up for him.

remember, he's just a plumber with acrobat moves. that's all he needs 9 out of every 10 times he's been kicking impossible levels of ass. that idea of some regular human being adapting their way into taking on crazy supernatural shit and pulling through in the end always gets me. it's like nice message of how goddamn legendary people can be when they've gotta be.

humans are pretty damn good at pulling some crazy stunts when it comes to life and death, and little reminders like this story about a middle-aged blue-collar bloke taking on fireball-spitting giant demon turtles are sick as. it's just real feelgood shit.

luigi's alright too.

the R squad!